Chinese New Year is just around the corner, and you’re prepping yourself to deflect all variations of “Aiyoh, so pretty, still no boyfriend ah?” questions and “Look at your cousin, so successful” comments, hoping you don’t bump into that inquisitive long-distance twice removed aunt living in the Australian suburbs who’ll talk your ear off giving financial and relationship advice. Ugh.
Worse, what if you are one of those people that others are trying to avoid? Yikes.
We identified 10 types of people during CNY that you definitely do not want to be.
1. The Undercover Aunty Matchmaker
First on our list of people during CNY is the lovable but most-of-the-time kaypoh aunty. She could be your mom’s friend, your neighbour. She’s warm and friendly and genuinely interested in your hobbies and interests and job. You chat like old friends for a good hour, and then she drops the “Oh, I have a son just about your age!”. Get out gurl, run.
>>But eh, if she got into your head, here are the Best Temples Where You Can Pray For Luck In Love
2. The Tam-Chiak Freeloader
Sometimes known as the Dabao King, this is the person who always “self-invites” to your house for lunch or dinner at visiting time. They come with a big appetite and no oranges to “bai nian”, is always there with empty food containers to dabao leftovers and justifies their sharing of your food by handing out disposable plates to your visitors, by saying “I got help what!”
3. The Insurance Agent
Sometime during the previous year, one of your cousins started a job at one of those big insurance firms and this year at Chinese New Year, he strikes up a friendly conversation but suddenly throws in questions like what’s your five-year plan, and what are your views on saving for a rainy day. It’s time to go looking for your third bowl of cheng tng.
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4. Miss Hao-Lian I-Don’t-Want-To-Be-Here
Yes, we know, sometimes visiting is tough, and it’s tiring, and you really don’t want to engage in small talk with people that you only see once a year. But, it’s family. And your disinterest is showing on your face, so turn that frown upside down, and just be present. Also, some Gen-Z folks and millennials don’t get it, but there was a time when mobile phones were not allowed at the dinner table.
5. The Sudden Yogi
There’s always one in every big gathering of people during CNY – you know, that girl who’s changed her life around, swears by yoga, drinks nut milks and is vegan and now is all glowy, bendy and healthy. She’s really sweet and lovely, and doesn’t judge but she talks about loving animals and opening up your chakra, while you’re biting on an extraordinarily tough piece of bak kwa, caveman style.
>> Change the subject, show them this: Feng Shui Travel Guide 2018: Where To Go Based On Your Chinese Horoscope
6. The Sibeh Drunk One
You’re the life of the party, crowned “Most likely to run a club” at your year end pictures. But your grandparents are watching, and your mum’s friends are over. Don’t ask your cousin out on a date, and stick to Pu’er tea at the reunion dinner. Aunties are also very good at Stomping these days you know.
7. The ‘Just Married’
Ah, young love and every hand holding, public smooching in between. We get it, it’s a great story, you’re in love and you’ve just bought a home. Your honeymoon adventures are romantic and your tan from the Maldives is blinding, but please, some of us here are struggling with “Are you still single?” questions, so just. Stop.
>>While we’re at it, here’s our tribute to Valentine’s Day: The Most Romantic Film Locations To Sweep You Off Your Feet
8. The Crypto-Enthusiast
This person, you might not have bumped into just a year ago, but I’ll bet there’s now one in almost every family. He’s asking you if you’ve put money into Bitcoin, if you know about the latest Bananacoin, Carcoin, Tradecoin etc., and why you’re not on the bandwagon yet.
9. The Kiasu Parents
Yes, your daughter can string sentences together at the ripe old age of one, top of her class, can play the piano, can swim, can identify plants by their Latin names. Wow. I remember the days when my proudest moment was not falling off my bicycle tricycle. Hey man, can you just be happy for me that my kid is walking!?
10. The Foreigner
He or she might be the new better half of one of your relatives or your sibling. They’re among the people during CNY who love the new experiences and are high on taking in all this new culture. Annoyingly enough, they’re now asking you what the meaning of everything is – Why do we do reunion dinner? Why do we give oranges? What are those Chinese characters on the door? Why do we eat pineapple tarts? and the list goes on. It’s nice that they’re so interested in our culture and I would love to hear more about yours too, but Rule No. 1, eat first, and talk later! 🙂
There you have it guys, 10 behaviours of people during CNY. Which one do you identify with the most and how many people you know can fit into these descriptions to a T?
Gong Xi Fa Cai!
